First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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