So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize