I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize