her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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