omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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