Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
