That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
