You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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