I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
