high people should be assigned attendants
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
