He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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