theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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