I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
