so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
