I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
