piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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