uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize