By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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