Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
