The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
