My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize