remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
