We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
