I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
