Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
