ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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