brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
