i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
