i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
