If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize