i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
