VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
