I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
