i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
