Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
