I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize