Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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