one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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