OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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