Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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