well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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