are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize