I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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