He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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