Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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