While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
