I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
