he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize