I've blown a few things in my day
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
