escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
