Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize