OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
