No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
