i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
