She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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