Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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