come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
