After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This house was built for laser tag.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize