yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
