Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize