those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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