Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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