fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
