oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize