if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
