About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just gift wrapped bread.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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