ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Four minutes until I can fart!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
