This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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