I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
